As a child, I was always writing stories. In school, I excelled at writing essays and book reviews. I used to co-write my friends’ essays when they asked, simply because I loved doing it. And I was good at it.
As an adult, I want nothing more in life than to be an author. And the reason that I have never finished writing a book, is because I’m afraid I’m not good enough.
Becoming an author is my biggest dream – what if it’s just not for me?
Over the past years, I could never get past the first few chapters of a book. After I had written a few pages, I’d go back and reread them, and came to the conclusion that I hated what I had written. So I stopped, took a break from writing, started writing a new book, rinse and repeat.
I have competed in every NaNoWriMo since 2013, but never once won the challenge of writing 50.000 words in one month. What would happen if I finally finished a book, and got rejected by every single publisher I sent my draft to? What would I do if the dream I have been working towards my entire life was shattered?
On January 1st, 2018 I decided to no longer let the fear of not being good enough stop me from trying.
Call it a New Year’s Resolution if you will. It’s one I’ll be sticking to.
I opened up a draft that I have been working on since I was sixteen years old (that’s almost ten years!), and started writing. I don’t reread, I don’t edit, I don’t backtrack. I just write. And now, almost a month later, I have over 30.000 words.
I don’t know what I’ll do once I finish it. Perhaps I’ll love it, and take my time editing before trying my luck with an editor. Perhaps I won’t send it to anyone, and it will go unread by everyone but me.
But at least I’ll have finished it. And that’s the most important thing to me right now.
Are you writing anything right now? Have you published a book, or are hoping to publish one in the future? What’s holding you back, if anything?